9/29/97: It says on the bottle to refrigerate after opening, but I've never refrigerated teriyaki sauce before. I guess it's ok though, I'm still alive. I would like some cinnamon toast now, but have no cinnamon, butter or bread in the kitchen. I didn't go by Kroger like I planned to earlier. Again I stuff cold pizza down my throat for another filling meal. Yea. Tomorrow I WILL stop at Kroger, I swear it! It's just after driving 180+ miles through local traffic all day long, I really don't care to make another 4-mile run for CINNAMONfuckingPOWDER!

What's the deal with this third area code going up in Atlanta now? Atlanta has THREE area codes while Macon, Warner Robins and Perry share the same one with Albany, Savannah, Brunswick, Valdosta and all the rest of south Georgia. And we can't even consider Perry a local call from Macon. What is wrong with this picture? Ok you haven't heard the best part: "Effective January 1, 1998, it will be necessary to dial both the area code and the 7-digit telephone number (10-digits) for all local calls to numbers in the 404, 770, or 678 [new area code added] area codes, including calls placed to numbers within the same area code."... this is direct from the horse's mouth, HellSouth themselves. So to call for a pizza, you have to dial the area code + phone number.. to call your next door neighbor, you will have to dial the 10-digit thing. It doesn't say if you must put a 1 in front of it or not. I'm guessing not, how generous. Ok, here's the master kicker: all the idiots on the internet who don't know squat about their dial-up configurations are not going to be able to access the 'net once this goes into effect (Thank you, Bill Gates). Who is going to help them reset their dial strings to include the area code for them to dial up their internet connection? Will BellSouth accept the responsibility of handling the tech support calls asking how to fix the dial-up number so they can connect to a service they're paying for (out the ass most likely)?? How many lost manhours will result from all the internet providers in the Atlanta area? Will Bellsouth accept the responsibility for this? Not on your fucking life, the greedy bastards.

And what's up with this AT&T shit? Providing local telephone service now? What?? Wait a minute, didn't they bust up into seven tiny baby bellshits back in the 70's so they could get into long distance service exclusively and get OUT of the local telephone service industry??? Hello!! It comes full circle and gobbles us up with a snap. There will never be legitimate competition by local small business, who once dreamed of riding the wave to glory by "growth"... thank you, AT&T, you bullying megamonopoly. Fuck you. Ok, call their new local telephone service rep and dredge through the 6 voice menus until you land in the Georgia zone's holding cue. Plan a long lunch, because after waiting 15 minutes on hold for a voice to speak through to me, I was on to their scam and hung up. Good luck trying to replace shitty HellSouth with the megalith AT&T service. If you do get through, realize you're just replacing one evil with a more vicious other.

I had other stuff to say but got off on a tangent with that shit there, the evils of American living.. let me calm down so I can think clearer and be more pleasant for the duration. I fantasize about my demise, and a grin comes across my face when I play out the scenario in my head.. I very sanely compose a suicide note, complete with witnesses attesting to my sanity. The note succinctly places my death in the hands of BellSouth, the IRS and the US Government, making an example. The note also includes a list of people to notify of my death once it's confirmed that I'm actually dead, with explicit instructions on what to say to each person. [This is in consideration of all the people I know who might not find out otherwise, and relieving them of any guilt whatsoever so they know they didn't contribute to this terrible deed.. distant friends, etc.] Then, during the middle of my 4th tax audit, I arrive at the appointment a few minutes late, barge into the inspector's office apologetically, hurridly slip the pistol from my pocket, aim at him or her, scare the pee out of them by threatening to kill them, toss a sealed envelope with a copy of my suicide note onto their desk, grin while they jump out of their skin as it slides off the desk into their lap, then turn the gun to myself, eat the barrel, and hope they don't have too many nightmares. Oh, the suicide note "package" includes several press releases to be distributed accordingly. Sweet, huh? That threat to the auditor is only a sinister expression of how evil I can be if I would just let go, playing out one last fantasy before I die. Ok, if you think I could actually do this, and you happened to be married to a tax auditor and suddenly worry for their safety, think for a moment how impossible it would be for me to get through the weapons detectors in all federal buildings. Relax. I'm only on my third audit, so chill out. I'll probably die of a cat scratch that gets infected cuz my kitties are outdoor cats now, I keep forgetting that. Totally blase.

Ready for more whining about my love life? Ok, this chick I've seen TWICE in 6 months has me utterly broken for her touch, yet we've never so much as even held hands. We hugged once when I first got there. Ok, I kissed her lightly on the base of her throat the last time I saw her. I couldn't help that, the way she was standing there with her head thrown to the side, her sweet skin shining up at me, how velvety appetizing it was.. I barely had the nerve to do that.. then I left and we haven't spoken or seen each other since. This was September 13. We email each other pretty regularly though. And we've poured out some thoughts on what we are to each other and what we want from each other, and what we'll never be to each other. But all that was in email too. That's how we met actually. In email. I wanted to get laid. She spoke to me, piqued my curiosity, teased me so in her first email. We played a game, leading to a moment frozen in time where we would have each other and all things around us would cease to exist, without a word....anonymous to each other except in the sensory pleasures. Neither of us revealed who we really were in the beginning. This was the perfect game. It was like I was preparing for the Last Supper the way we taunted each other. The end result was all I could think about, over and over imagining the setting for our single exquisite encounter. I was driven to that end result. Something went wrong in the game, things got shaded with angles not expected.. our true selves began to push through the personas we were living. Now, many months into this charade (or is it a charade anymore?), I find myself with a dilemma. I've grown terribly attached to this lady, though I won't say I'm in love. I continue to use the term "obsessed" for lack of any other appropriate term. Think back now, I wanted anonymous passion in the beginning. Anonymous so that I wouldn't get attached. Satisfy physical desires and walk away to never look back. Where am I now? I am still single, as planned. I wish to stay single, for many many long whiles. I obsess over this woman an hour and a half away from me, but I don't go to her or pursue her. Maybe I do, silently. In fantasy. Hell, in fantasy I stalk her ass and do nasty things to her person. What I'm saying is I don't want a girlfriend so I'm not pursuing her. But we're somewhat attached to each other. She describes us a soulmates, reuniting after a few bumps in our pasts, way back.. past lives. I don't know if I see that or not, I do see a soulful connection, but I think it's temporary. Our spirits are weaving in and out of each other's trajectory right now, but it will be shortlived I think. I know one thing: she has affected me so that she'll always be a part of my life, in that I've viewed things through her eyes and her memory will live with me forever. Whether she's there in spirit, her memory will forever be a part of me. This cannot and should not be mistaken for love or anything like it. I want to express emotions to her, as most people do when they get involved with each other, but we aren't involved with each other!! Our lives are seperate and we live that way. I've completely lost the point I originally wanted to make. What I wanted to get to was the fact that months after this game started, I *still* haven't gotten laid. And now I'm attached to this chick now. So I feel obligated to wait for her to satisfy me, and let me tell you I have NO DOUBT in my mind that she will satisfy me like no other soul ever has or ever will. But things are so fucking complicated now that I don't see it happening any time soon. Like I said, we both have our own lives and we don't fit nicely into each other's lives. So my dilemma is this: I want to feel a woman's hands touching me and a woman's bare body against my own so bad that I'm going insane. I'm seeing women all around me as potential sexual trysts, and yet I keep it all to myself because I don't know what to do anymore. Not like I'd pursue any of these chicks, because it ALWAYS gets complicated like this. UGH! I invited my assistant manager home with me the other night, for christ's sake! The comment was made partially in jest, but she took it as complete jest and let it go. That's good cuz I would have lost my job over it. And she probably wouldn't have let me do anything anyway, seeing how she's happily married with children. But she puts out these vibes, ya know.. who knows. Then there's this girl who I consider to be quite strange at first glance, which in itself is alluring, but she's just walled off to alot of the outside world and lives fully behind those walls.. she emails me occassionally to say hi, and I've flirted with her a bit before, though I doubt she picked up on it as flirting. I don't even know if she's open to the woman thing anyway. But she was another option I considered way back before this game started with miss passionworks. This chick is still around and beginning to catch my eye again, but I can tell right now she's too emotional and wouldn't do anything without a serious commitment from the other person.. blah on that! She's sexy though, in her peculiar way. Wonder how she'd react if I told her that.. I hardly think she'd hold a candle to the lady in terms of sensuality though. Sigh. What's a lonely lesbian to do? Don't answer that.

I'm hungry and I sit here without budging. I'm stupid, or maybe I want to die of starvation. That takes weeks though, doesn't it? And it's probably not the most pleasant thing to experience either. Well shit. I'll eat tomorrow sometime, but if I take one more bite of pizza, I'll die of a tomato sauce overdose. I REALLY want some cinnamon toast, dammit. Now I'm too sleepy to get out. And it's friggin cold out there! I hate cold weather, give me sweaty balmy hot sticky musky balmy scorching murderous heat any day. Did I say balmy twice? Get over it. Groovy pic of the VW van up top, ya think? Wait till you see what I'm gonna do with the real thing.. heh.

OH!! That reminds me! I'm getting the firebird fixed!!! Woohoo! I let a guy borrow my busted motorcycle to fix it up and use for himself for a while, and now he wants to own it. So I'm in the process of negotiating a deal with him to fix the engine in the 'bird and all I have to pay is the rebuild kit. He performs the labor for free. Weeehooooooo! Here we go, cruisin' the skreets in my shiny red ladybird! Can You Dig It??! Yeah! I'll keep ya posted on this nice li'l development. Nice, indeed. :) He's an automechanic (no, it's NOT Tim!) down in Unadilla, a friend of my brother's. Very nice. Bye.


..the end..