2/25/98: Well shit. I'm thirsty now and there are no sodas in the kitchen. I'll be right back. Grape soda rules! You like that song "Sex & Candy"? I heard it for the first time this weekend during "Open House Party" on the radio, broadcast live from the Mardi Gras. Didn't like it at first, but now I think it rocks! They also played a "techno" version of that Celine Dion - Titanic song. Duh, it's in overkill on the radio.. but the techno version sounded fawnky. I'm sure you'll hear it. I'm out of red paint. I'm painting one of the panes in the living room with much attempted detail, and I needed some color for background, you know- the basic eights. And I used red already for too much coverage, so I figured Pink would be cool, just to fill in some gaps. But I'm out of red to make pink. Errr I was out of red till this latest trek up the road. I swung by Walmart and bought another bottle, 88cents. Got a slab of beef jerky too. I love this one brand of teryaki flavored thick beef jerky. Only place I've seen it is at Walmart, so everytime I go, I always get a stick.

Tomorrow is the last solar eclipse of the century. Next one's not due till '17. Heh. 2017. Sounds funny. There's a possibility I'll be around for that one too. Gawd I hope not. I'm too tired already. Anyway, if you're going to view the eclipse, make sure to use care and protect the eyes. Hence the shades up top. Preparedness. I read somewhere today (probably online in some news story, that's all I do online - news and forums) that the El Nino effect is gonna make for a helluva allergy season. That probably explains the burn in my head, behind my eyebrows. A tickle burn, not exactly pain. There's some heat to it. Oh here's a cool song - Jealousy by Natalie Merchant. Oh man, that sent my mind into three tangents! Ok one: Jealousy was a favored song of Rhonda's - it represented her own feelings towards Deena. That was the first tangent, then as I typed the artist's name, images of Jade came flooding into my mind. In her very first message to me, she described herself as somewhat of a Natalie Merchant-look-alike. Oh yes she is too, in alot of facial features. I just think she's gorgeous. Ok what was the last tangent? Didn't I say three.... oh yea, Natalie Merchant, her songs and her voice. I like her alot. I have her solo cd. Not sure if she's got more than one since leaving the Cranberries.

Well, speaking of Jade... she's back. I got an email out of the blue last week sometime, her first since one other she sent in late January to announce her change of address to a bunch of people. That ought to be a clue right there -- she said she forgot she gave me the new address. Anyway, it was her first correspondence since Dec. 12 (so who's counting, huh?? heh). She says she missed me terribly. I would really believe that if I ever saw any effort on her part to visit or something. But as usual, they're just words. Some of it's fun though. I save it all. Every once in a while I'll go back and read that stuff, from post one all the way to the present. There was something mighty powerful about that exchange between us, and miraculously it was never really acted upon. That's good in many ways. It means she's still in my future whereas if we'd actually done it, she'd be in the past now I'm sure. To want is better than to have. To want fuels your hopes and dreams and keeps you alive. To have ends it all, shatters the dream, and disappoints. Reality fails to live up to the expectations of dreams. I hope we walk right to the edge together, and hang by a thread for days...and then go home and dream of doing it again in a couple months or years, after the game builds it back to that intensity. In passion and sex, wanting is much much more exciting and pleasing than having. And to fight that ultimate moment of orgasm is too sweet. Yes, alright yes. The tease is what it's all about. That's the best part. Ahem. It's really weird though. It took a while to get over her, having been so frustrated with her, not being able to figure out what game she was playing. It got to where I could go a whole week or more without thinking of her, and then the thoughts were really distant and mild with no yearning to be with her. And out of the blue she seduces me right back into it. As guarded as I was the last time I was even more so this time, and still she's there loud and clear like she never even left. Except the "pain" isn't there. Yea I long for her again, still. And I DREAM about her, the most vivid real dreams I've had in years. They're all about her. When she vanished over Christmas, the dreams died down. And now they're back. Eerie.. nice. It would be so neat to actually experience the same dream at the same time.. oh man that would be so cool.. I could get used to that alone! Spend the rest of my passion in those dreams... sweet.

I gave Rhonda my once-in-a-lifetime-find Joan Armatrading Classics CD sometime in late '96 when I found out how much she liked Joan. Can you say regrets????????? I have been searching for a replacement ever since. Well guess what? At the local Media Play they have a Joan Armatrading Greatest Hits CD, released in '96 I think, and to see what all it held for me, I compared it to the list of songs on the Classics CD (at that little self-helper computer they got). And GUESS WHAT?? The Greatest Hits CD has every single song as the Classics CD, in the exact same order even, with an added bonus song beyond the first 20!! Are the gods looking after me or what?! Natch.. I put that CD in this fabulously gorgeous afternoon and went out to sit on the back of my truck to chill in the beautiful warmth of this spring day.. but ambient noise was a bother, making the CD too difficult to hear and enjoy, so I went and sat on the front steps instead.. sat there about half an hour I think, just rockin and soaking the rays (it got really warm in these blue jeans -- shorts, next time)!

Why does anyone want power? Control? What is the ultimate goal, manipulation? When you've got it all, and still take more, where are you going? What is your goal? You got it -- I'm talking about Bill Gates. Now consider all that he's got, and his plans to have more. Obviously he doesn't NEED any of it, and he's comfortable enough in the lead that he doesn't really have to push any more. It's getting too comfortable for him, so what's next? I'll tell ya what I would do, when it looks like the game's over...I'd use the power I had to create some excitement. I'd position myself just so in everyone's lives around the world, have them praying to me, throwing money at me, begging me for more, RELYING on me -- and I'd up and quit. The ultimate exercise of power. Take the world somewhere and then leave them there. Farewell. Bid thee good riddance. I'm tired of playing this game. Heh, it was nice, thanks for the trillions, cya. He'll do it because he can. Especially if he gets bored. You know that wealth has affected his brain. Greed is wedging itself into his every genetic mutation, and will take eons to dissipate from the family lineage. In some ways I'd love to see him do it. It would teach the ultimate lesson about doing business with and trusting monopolies.

How do you get rid of that cat smell lingering in the corner? Don't tell me "get rid of the cat" because that isn't an option. Is there a chemical or other way to treat the area to kill the odor? I'm considering ripping up the carpet throughout the house to help stop the odors from lingering. But the smell is also in corners where there is no carpet. So what to do in that case?? If you know of any miracle that works kinda quick and isn't noxious itself, email me and let me know. I've tried several of the common sense things, vinegar, baking soda, clorox, lysol and pine sol. Opening windows on really nice days to try to air it out.. I guess that's all I can do.

Somebody help me come up with an "act" to do in drag. I've been talked into entering a local pageant and part of it requires cross-dressing for the talent. I've never ever ever tried to perform as a male, in any situation ever (we won't discuss things of a private nature here). I'm really masculine in attitude, and in my voice when I need to be.. but I don't have a masculine bone in my body. My gestures are so fucking feminine I feel like a sissy when I walk. Can't help it, I get it straight from my mom.. the nails, too. Anyway, I want something really entertaining, meaningful and comical..I don't want to lipsync a song or anything.. and the only comedy routines I can picture are those redneck comedians at the local comedy club..that ain't what I want either.. I want something unique. Give me some ideas..

Long-winded tonight, huh? Later..


..the end..